THE 1997 STUPID HUMAN TRAVESTIES AWARDS

The following is from the Darwin Awards website. For those
unfamiliar with the Awards, they are presented to those who
have most colorfully removed themselves from the gene pool.

They also present an award called the Stupid Human
Travesties Award, which is self-explanatory. The following
are the 1997 winners:


What is the modern world coming to when a gang of thieves
arrive at the place they are going to rob in a taxi?"
Justice Morris asked the defendants in a robbery case at the
Auckland High court. "I despair of the future for our
country when a group of louts like you lack the intelligence
to take even basic precautions to avoid detection."

Before sentencing Singeli Senivuga and Veileba Jobesa (two
illegal Fijian immigrants) for their part in the robbery of
5 protective helmets and 400 puncture repair kits from a Mt
Eden bicycle shop, Justice Morris continued: "It has been
put to me that the reason you were so easily apprehended
after the robbery was that you had no getaway car. According
to your defence counsel, that is because you forgot to ask
the taxi to wait for you while you committed the crime. But
even more stupidly, you had telephoned the taxi service in
the first place and asked to be picked up at your home, so
even if you had got away it would have been a simple matter
to locate and arrest you later."

The judge then added: "Why couldn't you steal a car
beforehand, like everybody else? You tell me it's because
you don't have licences, but I preside daily over cases
involving professional criminals who don't care about such
trivial matters. You are imbeciles. I hereby sentence you
both to five years imprisonment."

Runner-up #1:
Robber's Booty Explodes In His Pants When
Beach Bank's Dye Bomb Explodes
 -- By Mike Mather, Staff Writer

VIRGINIA BEACH - Police are searching for an embarrassed
bank robber who was hurt Tuesday morning after a dye pack
exploded in his pants and burned a hole through his fly.

Witnesses last saw the man strip to his boxer shorts on
Pacific Avenue and run away, leaving the money and his
smoldering pants behind. The robbery happened around 11:30
a.m. at Life Savings Bank near 38th STreet and Pacific
Avenue. Police spokesman Mike Carey said this is what
happened:

The man gave a bank teller a plastic Food Lion grocery bag
and demanded "all the money in the bank." The teller filled
the bag with money and an explosive dye pack that burns at
about 400 degrees when activated. The robber stuffed the bag
down the front of his pants and ran from the bank. Carey
said witnesses then saw "an explosion taking place inside
his pants. He was seen hopping and jumping around." The hot
dye pack seared through the crotch of the robber's jeans.
Police confiscated the robber's pants but have not yet
caught the robber.

"He's probably sitting around with an ice pack in his lap,"
Carey said. "That is, if he hasn't sought medical
attention." Police alerted area hospitals to be on the
lookout for a man complaining of crotch burns. Investigators
also asked the public's help in finding the robber. The
suspect may be stained with bright red dye.

Runner-up #2
If you're going to steal...

This is a true story according to a recent issue of Road and
Track Magazine: When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from
a motorhome parked on a Seattle street, he got much more
than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find
an ill man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the
motorhome`s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh
he'd ever had.