MODERN COMPUTER TERMINOLOGY

State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art
computer to become obsolete.

G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster
than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago."

Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I
want to buy a computer, and money is no object."

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen,
especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on
it. (pronounced "gooey")

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier
to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to
work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical
deadline.

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL your software.