TECHNICAL SUPPORT FUNNIES

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The
tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."  The woman then
responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is
working just fine."

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Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard 
drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she 
downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?" 

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Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at 
the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. 
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager." 
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob." 
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." 
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

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Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." 
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

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I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back
to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
 
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Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"

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I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go 
something like this:
Customer: "Hi... Is this the Internet?"

Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The
Internet."

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Customer: "So that will get me connected to the Internet, right?" 
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?" 
Tech Support: "Uhh... uh... uh... yeah."

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Tech Support: "All right... now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - 
I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe 
it was meant to..."
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in 
icons."
Tech Support: "Well... why don't you click on the 'little picture' of 
a file cabinet... is 'little picture' OK?" 
Customer: [click]

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Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game..."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot." 
Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed!"
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my
spaceship, and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"