EXCERPTS FROM ACTUAL LETTERS SENT TO LANDLORDS...

1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children
   until it is cleared.

2. I want some repairs done to my stove, as it has backfired
   and burnt my knob off.

3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from
   the man next door.

4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away
   from the wall.

6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the
   kitchen.

7. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three
   pieces.

8. The person next door has a large erection in his back
   garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

9. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked
   sidewalk?  Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is 
   now pregnant.

10. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and
    would like a third, so will you please send someone to do
    something about it.

11. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a
    funny color and not fit to drink.

12. Would you please send a man to repair my downspout? I am
    an old page pensioner and need it straight away.

13. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap?  My
    wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable
    for us.

14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. 
    Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is
    getting too much.