BILL AND MONICA

What help-wanted ad did Monica Lewinsky answer?
Be a White House intern and get a taste of the Presidency!

There's a new Bill Clinton computer coming out soon...
It will have a six-inch hard drive, but no memory.

Did you hear that when this scandal is over Monica plans to
sell her story? She said she'll tell it Blow by Blow.

Monica said she may as well be truthful now about Bill
because she doesn't think she stands a chance of getting on
the Presidential Staff again...

She also said she was going to testify truthfully about Bill
Clinton. No way will she go down for Bill Clinton. Well, not
again, anyway.

Why doesn't Bill pay retail price?
He prefers to dicker.

When asked what was the difference between a night of
bowling and a night with Hillary, the president replied, "If
I had to, I could eat the bowling ball."

Why does Monica Lewinsky have such puffy cheeks?
She's withholding evidence.

Why is Bill Clinton's favorite White House room the Blue
Room?  You can't corner anyone in the oval office.

Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
To keep his ankles warm.

From a recent interview with Bill: "I am sick and tired of
all this talk about sex. I've had it up to here with sex...
But, not recently."

Why can't they prosecute Bill Clinton?
Monica swallowed the evidence.

What's Bill's favorite garden tool?
A Blower.

What did Bill say when asked if it was possible to make a
hormone? "I've done it lots of times, I just refuse to pay
her!"

What do the Nixon and Clinton administrations have in
common?  A crooked Dick in the Oval Office.

Monica had just recovered consciousness after surgery and
asked the doctor, "How soon will I be able to resume a
normal sex life?" The doctor looked puzzled and replied,
"Oh, not very long?" "Why do you find the question so
surprising?" asked Monica. "Well," replied the surgeon, "to
be perfectly honest, I've never had a tonsillectomy patient
ask me that question before!"

Whats the difference between Clinton and a screw driver?
A screw driver turns in screws and Clinton screws interns.

The White House scandal wasn't really Bill's fault... 
it was just something he got sucked into.

Why does Monica refuse to play golf with Bill?
Because she's tired of his balls hitting her in the face.

What's the worst thing Bill ever heard during sex?
"Honey, I'm home!!"

The difference between Bill and his dog Buddy 
is that Buddy chases his own tail.

Did you hear that Bill is supporting a new math curriculum
in our nation's schools? He wants everyone to know that 50
can go into 21 without getting five to ten.

Bill was recently overheard complimenting Monica's
appearance... "She's got the whitest teeth I've ever come
across!"

What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest
of us?  When we want some dick in the White House, 
we just vote.

How did the stain get on Monica's dress?
Clinton came across her in the Oval Office.

What's Bill's new pick up line?
"Would you be interested in a position under the president?"

If Monica was a bird, what kind would she be?
A swallow.

What does Hillary do after shaving her yaya?
Dresses him up and sends him to work.

Bill's nickname for Hillary is "My little buttercup".
His nickname for Monica? "My little suction cup".

Did you hear Clinton doesn't use bookmarks?
He just bends over the pages!

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog
Buddy? One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the white
house, the other is a chocolate lab.

Aide (to President): Kenneth Starr sucks!
Bill: Well, send him right in!

What was Clinton saying to Monica during their video hug? "I
told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election!"

Title of Hillary's next book: "It Takes A Village Idiot"

Kenneth Starr finally found out what the distinguishing
characteristic on Bill Clinton's penis was... It was Monica.

Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky? He
couldn't give her a pink slip without asking her to try it
on first.

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
They were both upset when Bill finished first.