The FDA is considering additional warnings on bottles of
beer, wine and spirits, such as the following:
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are 
   whispering when you are not.
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
   dancing like an asshole.
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the
   same boring story over and over again until your friends
   want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN!
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay
   shings like thish.
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
   that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them
   at 4 in the morning.
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
   what the hell happened to your pants.
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over
   in the morning and see something really scary (whose
   species and/or name you can't remember).
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of 
   inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion
   that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some
   really, really big guy named Chuck.
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you
   are invisible.
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
   people are laughing WITH you.
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the 
   time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large)
   gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
   
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
   who barfed in your tropical fish aquarium.