AGE HAPPENS!

There are three things a man over 40 should never forget: 
   Never pass up the opportunity to take a leak.
   Never trust a fart. 
   Never take a hard-on for granted. 

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his
doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that
will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only
thing you care to exercise.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid
you.

Don't take life so seriously ... it's not permanent.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through
Congress.

As we grow older year by year, my husband always mourns: 
the less and less we feel our oats, the more we feel our corns.

You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the
parking lot.

You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it
started.

You're getting old when tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert
bracelet.

You're getting old when you don't care where your wife goes, just so you
don't have to go along.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and
you didn't do anything the night before.

Doctor to patient:  I have good news and bad news-- the good news is that
you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

Last Will and Testament:  Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.


"I have everything I had 20 years ago, only it's all a little bit lower."
   -- Gypsy Rose Lee


"I don't date women my age. There aren't any."
   -- Milton Berle


"The first law of politics:  
Never say anything in a national campaign that anyone might remember."
   -- Eugene McCarthy


"The trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a book,
your library card has expired."
   -- Milton Berle


"As for me, except for an occasional heart attack,
I feel as young as I ever did."
   -- Robert Benchley